Body Beautiful

Those health nuts are a bunch of dweebs,
And doctors too, I’ll bet,
They seem to think a fellow’s worth,
Depends upon his sweat.

They claim that I need exercise,
That I’m no work, all play,
But they discount those efforts which,
I work at every day.

Exercising caution,
Throwing in the towel,
Jumping to conclusions,
Running off at the mouth,
Wrestling with my conscience,
Jogging my memory,
Flipping through the channels,
Going for seconds,
Pulling your leg,
Skipping the salad bar,
Pushing seventy,
Racing to the john,
Pumping irony.

I now have reached the perfect shape,
I have achieved my goal,
My body is my temple now,
My sense of worth is whole.

I will not change my regimen,
Not even if they beg,
Some folks want those six-pack abs,
I’m better, I’m a keg.